I woke up at 3:00am this morning and couldn’t sleep. I was bursting with energy. I finally decided to take a shower at 4:30am and was struck by some powerful words that erupted unbidden from my mouth. These were what I’ve always called “shower thoughts”. These are the ideas that seem to come from out of nowhere but strike you in your gut. For me, these often appear when I’m in the shower or while I’m taking a long walk outside.
The words that I spoke to myself this early morning were, “It’s time to start promoting myself!”
I’ve always been a caretaker. I like to help others. I want to facilitate the healing of others through movement and dance. Movement and dance are about communication and joy – being vulnerable and in the moment. Performance can be based in ego but a true artist is always giving themselves away to the audience as they perform. A teacher or a choreographer bestows their knowledge and creativity on their students and dancers. They work tirelessly to make their recipients look beautiful and to achieve the most they are capable of.
The urge to give to others is admirable and I’m not going to stop. But it can go too far.
When I am constantly giving to others to the point where I’m depleted or become invisible, it’s not healthy. It becomes a form of self-denial. Even in small everyday details, I find myself giving my loved ones, friends, and, occasionally, strangers something that we both desire but I urge on them. I may yield my favorite tea mug, or agree to meet with a friend at a less personally convenient time, or I may forget that what I do is just as important as what others do.
I’ve got to remember to take care of myself! After all there will be nothing left to give if I don’t allow myself to be replenished. My life is not about being a martyr. Ultimately what I want and need matters.
Balance. We balance from one foot to the other as we take a step forward. Both feet are necessary to remain upright, although there is a bit of freefall in between the two feet as the weight transfers. Give to self, give to others.
Today I’m going to promote myself.
© 2010 by Sheila Peters. All rights reserved.